"Lots of people volunteered at the soup kitchen once we opened. One Saturday I washed dishes with a new volunteer. Henry said, 'I've been wanting to come for a long time, ever since I read in the Post how Mother Teresa brought you sisters here.' He slung the wet dish towel over the handle on the oven door. 'I wish I could be here every day, but I'm too busy.' He looked out the window and onto the street. 'My work--it takes too much of my time. I'm out of town a lot.' Turning to me, he spoke with frustration. 'What I do is so unimportant compared to what you do here [at a soup kitchen on the convent grounds]. You sisters do the work of Jesus and Mary. You help a lot of people. I envy you.'
'What do you do, Henry?' I asked.
'I'm an adviser to the Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs.'
I was floored. This man with what anyone would call an important job recognized what I also knew--serving the poor, face-to-face, was the best job in the whole world." --Mary Johnson from her book, "An Unquenchable Thirst" (page 157)
This was one of those trips where I wonder where to begin to describe it. It was simply wonderful, yet tragic; fulfilling, yet unfinished; rewarding, yet disappointing. I can definitely say it left me wanting to go back as soon as possible. Let me begin with something I wrote in last week's blog. I had watched a message online last week by an evangelist named Mario Murillo. In it he made the statement, "Your past does not disqualify you." On a primary level this speaks to your past not disqualifying you from the availability to God's love and mercy on your life. When I heard it I said to myself I have to take that message with me when I go downtown. My friends there have got to know this---all of them. So on my way Sunday I'm praying about the trip and asking God what can I ask for that will make this trip special. Each trip is unique, and God answers my prayer for each trip in a very unique way. I never know when I ask for something just what His answer will look like. A few weeks ago, you may remember, I asked to find and help someone who was desperate, not knowing what to expect. I think the first or second person I found that week was a woman in an alley with only a T-shirt on, pleading for a pair of pants. I couldn't have foreseen that in a million years. Yesterday, I prayed that I would find people who were desperate emotionally. Basically, just people ready to give up on life and at the end of their rope. So that was my prayer. Let me tell you the story of what happened.....
By the time I got down there and purchased the food and was ready to start looking for folks it was 6 pm. Kind of late to get started, but for some reason I wasn't too concerned because God has always led me to people no matter what and sometimes it can happen quite quickly. Anyway, I was 'in' all the way until all the food was given out.
The first man I encountered was Dave. I met him last week at the same place under the I-10 freeway at San Pedro. He remembered me too. I had gotten out to give him some socks from the back of the car. We started talking and very soon he asked me (in a nice way) why I came down there. I told him, "I love to help people." He said he could see that in my face and pressed me a little further. I gave him the short version of the interview I saw with the grandson of a missionary in China and how it inspired me to come down here and also in part was because I drove trucks down here thirty years ago (maybe a little more than that now) and I knew the turf. We kept talking about our lives (I asked him if he had any family living nearby) and some of the experiences that have shaped our lives. He was kind of astounded by some of the stories of things that had happened to shape where I was now. I was also able to weave into the conversation stories about Moses and King David to show how both of them had to endure a lot of hardships and that without those hardships they wouldn't have been the men they turned out to be. God doesn't like using us when we're full of ourselves. He likes to use the banged-up and broken people of the world. Well, we had talked for probably twenty minutes or more and I said, "Well, I'd better be going, you're the first person I've met with today and I need to get to some of the other folks who need help." He then asked me one of those heart-felt questions that stops you in your tracks. He asked, "Do you think I'll ever be able to get a job?" Dave is in his late thirties. I see no physical or mental issues that would prevent him from getting work. He just needs an opportunity, he's a very likable man. I told him "Yes, absolutely." I gave him some advice on how to start, by asking shop owners in the area when he's out during the day if they need anyone to sweep up or clean up. Then maybe it could lead to sleeping there on the premises. "But let's pray about this right now." We had already prayed once, but this was too big of an opportunity to pass up (for God and me). This was faith in action. We prayed and I told Dave I'd look for him again next week. He told me there was another man around the corner (he didn't know who the man was) who was homeless too. That man turned out to be named Steve. When I started talking to Steve he said, "Boy, you are a blessing and an answer to prayer." I had begun by asking if he was hungry. He hadn't eaten in a while. When he sat up from under his blanket, a bible had fallen from his chest to the ground. I gave him some socks and a vest/jacket that he put on immediately. The blanket he had was pretty small and I asked if he needed a new one. He was so thankful for the help. He told me he was married and his wife had kicked him out four or five times. He admitted that some of the times he deserved it (time for the statement about your past not disqualifying you from God's love--the second time I'd used it Sunday). We prayed and he told me what a blessing I was to him. Before driving out on San Pedro Ave I saw Leticia and Antonio under blankets behind the concrete barricades where I saw them last week. I gave them food and prayed with them too. When I got back in the car and was driving onto San Pedro I saw that they were both eating the food. I guess they had gone to bed hungry. I'm glad I stopped to see them.
Gary used to live behind the auto parts store on Washington Blvd, but I haven't seen him in two months. I still drive over there just in case. It is also an area where there are a few other homeless people hanging around sometimes. Sunday a man who I hadn't met before named Willie was there. I had asked him if he was hungry and he told me he was. I gave him some food and offered him water, but he told me he had some water. He was very polite and I noticed he had on socks and some sandals. I asked him if he needed some shoes. He asked if I had size 12 or 13's. Well, I don't have that size in the back, but I wear size 12's and I offered them to him. He declined my shoes and said he had an old pair in his shopping cart. Apparently, the shoes he has don't fit very well or he'd have been wearing them. I prayed with him and asked if he knew Gary from the alley, but he said he didn't. I drove back down Washington Blvd to Wall St. This is the street where Willie, the man that I do know by that name, has been staying. I didn't see his stuff or him there. Last week I saw his stuff and figured he was still around, but this week there was nothing of his around. Across that small street I found Guillermo. He spoke very little English, but we did converse a little bit. I gave him food and water, of which he was most thankful and I prayed with him too. I asked him if he knew Willie. He pointed to a small tent on the sidewalk on down the street. The tent turned out to be the home of Louis. Louis is disabled. He said he was 'completely' disabled due to a head injury. He talked coherently, and was extremely upset with God because his disability checks had stopped 10 years ago and he lost everything. He allowed me the privilege of giving him food and water and praying with him, which surprised me a little. I suggested that the government was the one that 'stopped' the payments, but he claimed that God could have fixed that. Not knowing Louis, and not knowing his background I refused to get into a discussion of theological issues relating to bad things happening to good people. I assured him that God loved him and told him how I know He does. I also told him his past didn't disqualify him from God loving him either (my third time Sunday using that one). I told Louis I'd look for him again the next time I'm down there. Perhaps we can build a relationship that can lead up to a better understanding of what God does and doesn't do and what 'others' do that lead to difficult times.
Well, I had two burgers left and I thought I'd go see John Stokes before leaving. It was getting close to being completely dark and the last few times I've arrived where John is I didn't have enough to give to the others that seem to hang around where he is. On the way to his place I was driving down 9th St after just turning onto that street from San Pedro. I just 'happened' to see a man sleeping on a wooden pallet laying on the sidewalk. Something inside me said, "Go see that man". He was on the other side of the street so I turned right on Town Ave and did a U-turn and came back to the signal at 9th. I waited and waited at the signal to turn left and finally turned right and found a place on 9th to turn around. I drove back down the street and parked at the curb in front of where this man was sleeping. I got out and walked over by him and asked if he was hungry. I heard him say yes and I went to get the last two burgers. I asked if he needed some water too. He again said yes. I brought them over to him and started talking to him. His name was Patrick Morris. It turned out he had just been released from prison 3 days ago after doing 17 years. He told me he had killed the man that raped his 13 year-old sister. He also said the euphoria that he felt when he got out of prison was now totally gone! He said he felt completely disconnected from society. During our conversation he had put one of the burgers in the pocket of his jacket and had started eating the other one. He kept asking me why I was being so nice to him. I told him I was 'sent' to let him know that God loves him. It was obvious that he was cold, the temperatures were dropping and even though he had a jacket on it didn't look particularly warm. I gave him a small knitted blanket that he used as a pillow and eventually got out a full sized blanket, folded it in half and placed it over him. He again asked me why I was being so nice to him. I sat down on the pee-stained sidewalk next to him and we talked for twenty minutes. He had no where to go and no money. He didn't want to go to the missions, he made it sound like they weren't even an option. It isn't the first time I've heard that. He told me that parole violators now get sent to the county jail and not back to prison (probably depends on what the violation is). Since he had no where to go and no money I think he figured he'd be picked up soon enough for vagrancy if nothing else. At least he'd get fed and have a roof over his head in the jail. It was a heart-breaking situation. He had a cane on the pallet too. During the whole time I talked with him, I'm not sure he opened his eyes wide enough once for me to see into them. He made me promise to look for him again. He said if he isn't in jail he'll be right there on 9th St. Well, I hated to leave him, but there wasn't much else I could do. I had given him what I had to make him comfortable, I even gave him a couple of dollars to get through Monday morning. I prayed for him, I felt privileged to serve him, but I wanted to do so much more. I had prayed at the beginning of the trip to find someone who was desperate emotionally and at the end of their rope. I didn't know what that would look like, but here was as clear a picture of hopelessness as I could think of. I didn't feel I had done enough to tip the scales in favor of hope. Lord please help this man and help me to know what to do next time. Until then. --John
PS. There was one more quote from Mary Johnson's book (An Unquenchable Thirst) that I would like to share with you. She was asked by another volunteer why she wanted to become a nun. Her answer was simple and profound and expresses my own desire in helping these people downtown. She said, "To me, life is about love. I want to help people know that they are loved, that they belong, that God is with them." I couldn't have said it any better than that.
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